This past Wednesday I broke down.
I showed up to my weekly call for the mastermind I am in. (A mastermind is a high-level business training group). I was not in a good mindset at all. My business was not going how I wanted it to. I was feeling so overwhelmed by everything I felt I need to do before leaving for the trip I am on now.
I showed up to that call, knots in my stomach, and wanting to cry, thinking “just get through this.” I didn’t want anyone to know how I was really feeling.
Why? because I felt ashamed that I was feeling burnout (although I was denying this on the inside). I pride myself on being someone who has been through burnout and become someone who is good at preventing it.
It becomes my turn to share in the call where we are in the process and how it is going. I just toss out there that I am feeling overwhelmed and then talk about where I am in the process.
Well long story short, after my mentor asked me to share why I was feeling overwhelmed I got emotional. Then she said something that has stuck with me “you come off as someone that has it very together in your posting on social media. Are you a perfectionist?”
At that moment I realized I had been trying so so so hard to be perfect. I didn’t even realize it. Perfectionism is so far ingrained in my habits.
I was trying to be perfect in literally EVERYTHING. My business, social media, my personal life, friendships, dating, etc… And things weren’t going perfect so I was feeling disappointed in myself. I felt myself shutting down. I was starting to not want to do anything because I knew it wouldn’t be perfect.
Instead of leaning into my feminine energy and allowing myself to be vulnerable with my emotions I was repressing and dismissing because I was so afraid of people “finding me out.”
The truth is I am not perfect. Not at alllllllllllll. And if you still think I am… well I am not lol
I have been through a lot of burnout (ask my parents if you need proof). And guess what? I still go through it sometimes.
This bout of burnout reminded me of something so important. Vulnerability is KEY to preventing burnout.
I have some big dreams. Those dreams require me to grow and change. That comes with pain. I can’t just be a robot and strategize my way through those hurdles. I am an emotional being, a human. I deserve to let myself feel whatever feeling I am feeling. I can’t just ignore it. I’m not a machine.
One thing I know for sure from this experience is that without the daily practice of nurturing my mindset I wouldn’t have been able to get through this so quickly and realize how big the self-care gap was. This is why I created my course From Hustle & Burnout to Balanced & Breezy. I did this to help other women with big goals and a history of burnout learn to nurture their style to live a more balanced life while pursuing their dreams. For more info on that, you can book a discovery call here.