Back in January I was having a hard time feeling fulfilled. Over the prior months I had gone through a bunch of big life changes; a break up, moving, moving in with a roommate for the first time, and for 2 months I wasn’t in the same place for more than 2 weeks because of all the traveling I was doing. For about 3 months my sense of normal was totally shaken up. When everything was finally in place I felt scattered and not totally sure of who I was or what I wanted.
When I brought this up to my therapist she said that…
“fulfillment comes from 3 different things, love, work, and play.” She said that when we don’t feel satisfied in our life it is most likely because we are not fully engaged in one of these 3 categories.
Over the past few months I have made a strong point of actively making sure that I feel fulfilled in each of these categories. While I’m sure these pursuits will always be a work in progress, I am proud of the work I’ve done to fulfill my life with these 3 categories. I want to share some of the resources I’ve found because it is so hard to feel fulfilled when you can’t leave your own house. Over this stay at home period I plan to do a series of 3 posts (love, work, and play) to provide you with these resources.
Today is all about LOVE! With a major focus on self-love because… “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” -Rupaul
LOVE: as in the love of your friends and family, as well as romantic love. But… most importantly love of yourself.
Therapy: As I mentioned above, I go to therapy. I cannot recommend this enough!!!!! Having a third party in your life whose only job is to help you help yourself is invaluable. It is never about them giving you an opinion, only tools to aid in navigating your life. You should never feel ashamed to go. Whenever I tell a friend who has never been that I go, their response is always that they have always wanted to. You never need a qualifying event or diagnosis in your life. You just need a desire to work on yourself in an effort to live an easier life.
- Talkspace: https://www.talkspace.com/
- BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com/
- Video/Phone therapy: Many therapists offer video and phone sessions. If there is a therapist you feel you may want to work with reach out and see if they are offering this right now!
Meditation: I’ve been trying to meditate every morning and I feel like it makes such a difference in my day.
- The Sedona Method: My favorite! https://www.amazon.com/Sedona-Method-Hale-Dwoskin-ebook/dp/B0050KEG64/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=sedona+method&qid=1586224547&sr=8-1
- Tune Into You Meditation: Positive Affirmations for Self Love and Acceptance. I love this one before auditions and when I go through times where it is particularly hard to talk kindly to myself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7dFV38jwIKtBA1Z3Wppacx?si=en-Cicx6Rk27VFcp05i5ew
- Headspace: An amazing meditation app. They recently released a bunch of free meditations in response to the crisis: https://www.headspace.com/ny
Workouts: One of my favorite ways to show myself some love is by exercising my body
- Yoga with Adriene: My roommate and I have been doing her 30 day challenge and it is amazing! It is like 70% meditation, 30% workout, and 100% amazing haha: https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene
- Blogilates: I have been a big fan of Cassey for years! Her pilates workouts are so hard, but I always feel so accomplished after I finish one!
- Hip-hop Sarah Burke: Wanna dance? Check out these fun and easy routines by Sarah. She is my teacher in New York and she is incredible. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kd-Va1m4s1E&t=46s and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5Hhv6lYls8
Avoiding stimulation: While I believe it’s good to face your fears, I think it can be good to avoid being triggered. I will sometimes mute people on Facebook and Instagram whose content doesn’t always sit well with me. This means I don’t see their posts and stories, but I stay friends with them. Below are articles on how to mute people you follow or are friends with.
- Muting people on Instagram: https://help.instagram.com/469042960409432
- Muting people on Facebook: https://www.wikihow.com/Mute-Someone-on-Facebook
Podcasts: I am a big podcast fan. It is an easy way to learn something new, but also I find it comforting to just have those voices in the background when I’m home alone. My absolute favorite is Girls Gotta Eat! At its core it is a relationship, dating, sex podcast… but it is about sooooooooo much more!!!!!!!!! Self-love is such a major topic. https://www.girlsgottaeatpodcast.com/
Calling others: So many people are lonely right now. Don’t be afraid to just pick it up and call an old friend. We’re all home, I’m sure they’ll be touched that someone thought to check in on them.
Socialize online: My friends and I have been finding fun ways to connect and play games together. Here are some of my favorites:
- Netflix Party: https://www.netflixparty.com/
- CardzMania: https://www.cardzmania.com/
- Remote Insensitivity: http://playingcards.io/game/remote-insensitivity
Virtual dating: I’ve been hearing a lot of people mentioning interest in dating via Zoom or Skype. If that is something that you want to do, great! But while I feel what is going on is really terrible, I think it is a gift that we have this time we don’t normally have. And I feel it’s such a good time to focus on you rather than relationships over the internet. You can now do all those things you never have time for! Again, don’t come for me, if it makes you happy and you feel fulfilled go for it. I am just such a big fan of finding your own self validation rather than validation from others particularly when it’s only done virtually. I always go back to Matt Hussey’s quote “You can wait for him to change his mind and decide he wants you, or you can live such an awesome life that you change your mind about waiting for an answer.” I think this applies to all of life, not just dating.